Thursday, March 24, 2016

From a stage 4 cancer fighter to a Dr! 

ALHAMDULILLAH. I made it till the end. It's been quite a journey for me to be honest. It has its fair share of ups and downs.

4 years ago when I was diagnosed, none of this looked possible. People kept on asking me ; are you sure you still want to go back to London and resume your study. Well I didn't blame them though. I was just in my second year that time,not even half way through. I didn't blame them for thinking it's not wise to be away from my family when I had huge C diagnosis with me. I said to myself back then, what do I do then? Do I just sit at home doing nothing? I decided to still try. My family supported that decision. As a muslim,we believed in the qadr of Allah and we believed in the life after death. We believed that prayers travelled any distance. We believed that Allah's with us. Yes I would be far away from my family but they had faith that Allah would take care of me.

So I came to London after a year of study break I took for my treatment. My doctor even said this to me(in a very gentle professional manner and full of concern), 'you know you might not finish medical school,are you sure you'd rather do this instead of being with your family?' I said yes with no doubt.I could sense that my doctor seemed to think I was in denial about the diagnosis and prognosis at first but slowly he became so supportive of me and my study. I remembered 6 months after I was started on my tablets, the same doctor looked at me with a very genuine smile and said this to me 'I am so happy to see that you are well. I am so so happy'

Fast forward 3 years later from the time I started studying again,4 years post diagnosis(again with its fair share of blood sweat and tears), I was told that I am now a Dr. How surreal is that? I am so grateful for my family and friends. Their never ending support and prayers pushed me through this. But my utmost gratitude is to Allah. He's been there since day one,well even before that but I was blinded by so many things. This whole experience made me realise about His existence. His help is so near, we just have to ask for it!

I always got the 'you are so strong' comment but trust me it's not always the case. There were times when things got difficult,when I cried in my sleep,when I felt so broken and I can't do it anymore. That's when I needed my family and friends the most. They're never too tired to remind me of the help of God.Recently, two of my family members were diagnosed with cancer on the same day just two weeks prior to my final exams. It felt like my world shattered for the second time (the first would be when I got diagnosed)and this time it's twice as difficult to deal with. I tried my best to stay focus and revise but of course it's not easy. My husband told me I have more reasons to pass this exams, at least that good news will make my family happy in this difficult time. I kept on telling myself that Allah has said He'd never tested a soul more than what it could bear so I would like to believe that we are strong and we can go through this together. As mom correctly said it, this is the test for the whole family not just for those two. If this brings us all closer to Allah then it's still a blessing despite how it looks on the outside. I love how Yasmin Mogahed puts it- Sometimes the gifts of God aren't wrapped as you think. My point is, you don't have to be strong at all times. You can break down and cry. Crying has always been my way of getting all the negative emotions out. However we need to learn how to pick ourselves up. My past experiences taught me that crying for far too long or worrying too much won't get me too far. I needed to actively encourage myself to take the steps to go back up when I fell.

We are all fighting different battles and I am writing this just to say to the people out there that you are not alone. Sometimes things get a little bit too much but inshaAllah there would be a way out. When it happens, think of it this way; you are at your worst now so thing can only get better as long as you do not give up! Looking back, half of me is so happy that I made it through and passed my exams and another half is just glad that I did not give up. It's possible for me not to make it till the end but I thought at least if I gave my all, I would feel happy knowing that I did not just succumb without a proper fight.

Thanks again to all my family members for your support. Thanks to my husband for putting up with my roller coaster emotions when I was stressed with revision and had to deal with the bad news. Thanks to all my close friends that keep on praying for me. Thanks to all my teachers too. Please continue to pray for me. I NEED THAT😊.Having been on the other side of the table I hope I have learned a few  things to be a good doctor to my patients inshaAllah.


Anonymous said...

Hi Kak Idzni,
You are so inspiring.
I know abt you bcs of your husband (I follow him in his Twitter & ig)
After got the news of he is marrying you, I started to read abt you. I read your blog, your instagram, and twitter. Just a curiosity of finding out abt who is this inspiring-kind-of-guy get married with.
And throughout my kind of 'silent stalking' you, i found the truth abt you. You are so inspiring. I really really adore your spirit. Although i am just an 'anon', wow! I feel so proud of you. Despite of your sickness, you really make it through your medical school. Both of you and Kamal really inspire me to become someone better (i know this is so cliche for me to say it) , I wish and pray the best for you guys. You are so strong, that's why He tests you with this kind of things, bcs if He tests this kind of thing to someone else, maybe that person cannot bear it.
Congratulations Dr. Idzni, I am so proud of you! 😊

Anonymous said...

When I read an instagram post about you by your husband, I thought you must me a special one. Indeed you are. 😊 Congrats btw on surviving med school! May Allah bless your life.

Anonymous said...

mashaAllah, a very inspiring post! Thank you very much for this. Indeed there is no power greater than our creater, Allah SWT. And only to him we put our hopes and doas. I pray that Allah blesses your life. Congratulations also for your success, although we don't know each other.. I'm very proud and happy for you toom Thank you for inspiring me to become a strong woman like yourself :)

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Thank you sooo much for those kind words. It means a lot to me.Most of the time,reading people's genuine well wishes and prayers gives me so much strength😊 May Allah bless you with goodness in this world and the hereafter. Thanks again for the dua😁

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Thanks for taking time to write this😊 May Allah bless you too in this world and the hereafter!

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Thank youu for the dua. I really appreciate it. May Allah bless you and give you strength to face whatever comes your way😊😊

Amilin Nordin said...

Salam. We don't know each other but I need to say this,you are such an inspiring woman! I am not sure if i can take it if i were in your shoes. Congratulations on finishing medical school, Dr!You have survived 4 years of big C, am pretty sure ure going to get better soon, insyaAllah. Have faith and may Allah bless you always :)

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Wasalam.Thank you sooo much for the encouraging words.Support from anyone always help to boost my positivity.May Allah bless you tooo in this world and the hereafter xx

Khairiah Badri said...

Congrats Dr Idzni... I finally found my another half but a younger version. May Allah give you strength to encounter the obstacles.

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Thank youuu..Aminn amin..same goes to youuu😁😁

NurAmalini bt Muhamad Amri said...

Subhanallah. Allah always has the cure for every disease and pain. Im not sure whether u remember me or not. But if u were NIK IDZNI DALILA who studied at SK SERI KEMUDI BACHOK during ur primary school, then yes.. we were schoolmates.. pray the best for u idzni!

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Awwhhh thank youuu ex school mates. It was long time ago since primary school.May Allah bless youu for your kindness😊

Anonymous said...

Semoga Allah sentiasa merahmati kamu..
Sgt2 memberi inspirasi..
Meleleh airmata baca..

Sy doakan semoga sentiasa dilindungi Allah bersama insan2 tersayang..aminn.. :)


sunan solehah said...

Congratulation dr idzni! Allah teaches me how to be grateful and stay positive through your life story. Thank you for sharing the journey of life :) may Allah ease every single thing for you. May Allah bless you and your family.

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Terima kasih untuk doa tu..May Allah bless youu tooo :)

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Terimaa Kasih :) May Allah bless youu tooo

shufina said...


sebenarnye panjang nak tulis.. but idzni tau kan nana xreti nak buat ayat ..haha..but i 'm really proud with u Dr! balik cepat!!

jaga diri and lebiu

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Hai Nanaaa..hehehehe..nak balik dah ni..nanti wajib lepak sesama youuu toooo😘😘😘

Anonymous said...

Hi kak Idzni, congratulations for making through your medical school! Despite all the tests and struggles you had, you made it! :)

I was diagnosed with scoliosis since years ago, but never knew that it will affect my quality of life. We didn't take any action, no physio, not taking care of my posture, etc. Didn't really had an exposure on that, back then. When i started my degree, i realized that it had affect me a lot since the course i'm currently taking involves a lot of physical work (long standing, lifting heavy things, etc.). Sometimes when the pain is unbearable, i feel like giving up and i really dont like it when people look at me as a weakling.

But i look up to you as a motivation for myself. If you can do it, why can't i, right? Sickness is not an excuse for us to give up. Thank you for being so inspiring to people around you. ☺️☺️

This is my first time dropping comment after being a silent reader. Sorry for writing so long. Hehe. May Allah bless you always 😊

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Hi dik.Thank you so much for taking time to drop a comment 😊
I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis and I completely understand when you said you don't like it when people look at you as weakling. Sometimes I do feel that way as well. I would rather hear people say they are praying for me than ohhh poor you having to deal with this at such a young age. Some people wont understand,some never will but dont mind them. I always convince myself that they meant well when they made such comment but they didnt know how to say it they way I would have hoped they would word it. Anyway, what we both need is a great support system. Allah is with us insyaAllah. We have our family as well. There are times when we will feel like it's too much but hang in there adik,insyaAllah lots of rewards are waiting for you. May Allah bless you and take care of you wherever you are. May Allah make it easier for you and reward you abundantly for everything that you have went through!Allah loves you,have faith in him😊

Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum sis idzni.. dulu sangat envy kat akk, rasa mcm hidup akk sgt perfect, then i saw your husband's post, i almost cried. Sorry sebab pernah envy kat akak, ingatkan hidup sy nak habiskan medschool ni dah cukup susah dah. i hope u r doing fine, we dont know each other but seriously i love ur spirit akak,. ♥

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Waalaikumussalam one's life is perfect.everyone is fighting their own as long as kita bersyukur dgn apa yg kita ada,inshaAllah things will get easier.thanks for such kind words.I hope you are doing well too inshaAllah😊


Assalamualaikum, Idzni.. I was so touched when I read about your story. I prayed that Allah grant you strength & determination throughout this test. I've lost my aunt quite a few years back due to cancer, too. I believe that everything's happen for a good reason. Be strong, sis. I know you have heard this for thousands of times, but I truly believe you have the spirit of fighting over this test from Allah.

Ereen Hadi said...

Salam and dear Idzni,

I came across your husband's story in FB. Took me 20 years back, how I chose to marry my husband, when he was diagnosed with stage 3 C. The day I got to know of his diagnosis, it was Eid and instead of learning psychology i read through pathology- a day before my professional exams. He took a year off too to underwent his treatment.
Like your husband, i knew I made the right choice then.
Enjoy each other and Selamat Hari Raya.

Kak Haireen

Anonymous said...

Salam alaik..hi dear idzni!lucky i made to find another young big C patient..u r so strong n lucky u r being surrounded by supportive friends n fmly..we might not know each other..but your spirit could be the best example for the young big C patients..subhanallah..hoping so i also could survive like yours one day ya!

Lots of love n prayers from me..
Wani 0164822402

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Dear Zahilah,
Thank you sooo much for taking your time leaving me a comment and that boosts up my spirit.Indeed I believe that Allah is the best planner and insyaAllah with all this positive vibes and prayers from every single one of you, I'll get through this.Thank you for being so kind.May Allah bless you

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Kak Haireen,
You are one amazing woman and I pray that Allah rewards you abundantly for your selfless act. This road has its ups and down and to know that there are people out there who went through what we are going through is indeed a blessing and to know that you did not regret your choice makes me feel reassured hoping that my husband too,despite the struggles will look at it the way you did. Thanks for sharing your story.May Allah bless you :)

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Dear Wani,
Thank you for your kind words. I'm praying that Allah makes it easy for you to face whatever life is throwing at you. As long as we have Allah,insyaAllah we have everything we ever need.Lots of love from me,take care!

micamhd said...


Since viral about your husband's post in ig, I continued to follow ur blog and read ur last post cz wondering want to know what is actually cancer u diagnosed. I was diagnosed neprothic syndrome last 2 years. Im sure the disease is very critical if not taken care properly. n afraid if it spread to the cancer or kidney failure.

What symptoms r u feeling before u know about your illness??

u're my inspiration, furthermore I will get married soon plus I am not really sure about my conditions and always worried about it. Dan semoga Allah sentiasa melindungi hamba hambaNya. Ameen. Tc. xx.

- Sha

Anonymous said...

You're so inspiring. You're tough. And you're lucky cos i believe you're a lot closer to Allah than most of us now.
If you ever make it to Jannah, don't forget to hold our hands to walk the beautiful path with you.
I love you for the sake of Allah.

Anonymous said...

Dear kak izni;

Congratulation!!!!!!! :') finally u did it!

Im just a stanger. Saya jumpa post pasal akak dkt fb and from there, i found ur instagram. I stalk u and i dpt tahu ure not feeling well. Then i found ur blog. I read most of ur posts (im still reading and ill read all haha) ure such an inspiring woman :') allah i love so much kak idzni. Eventhough we're stranger but iA i will pray 4 u. In shaa Allah. Stay strong kak izdni! Dont lose hope :) i know u can face all these obstacles. I hope that one day i can meet u in person. And im amazed since u got the 'Dr' title. Bestnyeeeeeee and its really inspiring me!

Stay healthy and strong. Love u ♡


Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Dear Sha, I know it's difficult and I pray that Allah makes it easy for you insyaAllah. I did not have any symptoms. just that one side of my tummy felt a bit hard and then it started to grow bigger than the other side. went to the hospital and was told I have cancer. I know you must be worried since you are getting married and you are uncertain about the future. All I can say is no one is promised tomorrow,be it someone who is healthy or sick.Life and death is Allah's doing so have faith in Him. Make a lot of duas. He loves us more than our own mother and insyaAllah with His mercy I pray that He grants you syifa.Amin :)

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Dear @izyplans,
Thanks for your kind words. InsyaAllah I pray that Allah will grant all of us a beautiful place in his jannah :)

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Dear Intan,

No one is a stranger to me. I share my blog publicly and those people who read it are my new friends :) Thank you for your sweet messages and duas. May Allah bless you adik and insyaAllah once I am back in Malaysia who knows we can meet up! All the best in whatever you do..much love <3

Jaswati Esmael said...

Salam Idzni. This is your teacher writing. My heart stopped for a while reading about your post in fb. Never imagined such a cheerful and calm girl like you has undergone such challenging moments in your life. Allah has chosen you because as you said He knows how much you can handle. Alhamdulillah you made it through your med school. Congratulations Dr. Idzni!!😘 I am very proud of you and may Allah shower you and family with His blessings...Hope to meet you again...😘

Anonymous said...

Subhanallah. It was beautiful Doc. Your post inspiring me to be a good doctor in the future and your story have knocked my head that the stresses that I've been facing for these 2 years as a medical student is not that taugh as compare to yours. Congrats Dr. Idzni