Friday, January 2, 2015

of me and safiyya tv9

Assalamualaikum wbt

i just got back from my 7 days trip to Germany, Czech and Budapest. It was an amazing experience and alhamdulillah everything went smoothly. i reflected so much during the trip about how lucky i am. being able to still do things i enjoy despite the diagnosis i have. alhamdulillah.

so a week before the trip, tv 9 crews came to London to shoot for Hijabstailista and Safiyya. I knew them in 2012 when i was volunteering for mercy mission organizing twins of faith.we keep in touch from there and last march they were here for Hijabstailista. It was really amazing how Allah put this people in my life. we were a complete stranger 2 years ago and now i would have to say that they are my family. i love them and i will always pray for the best to happen to them. i spent one whole week with them discovering London. I had the chance to really bond with Kak Hajar and Kak Meera. my two lovely angels. they are more than just friend.they are like sisters to me. when i look into their eyes, i can see they genuinely care about me.i care about them tooo. i will always keep you guys in my prayers.well that's the only thing i can offer for the kindness i could never be able to repay.

so i was interviewed for safiyya tv under the inspiration slot. battling with cancer while struggling to get a medical degree. i know and i am completely aware that what i have been through probably not as big as others but if sharing this experience can benefit even just one person,i am more than happy..alhamdulillah. what i want to achieve is just to reveal how merciful Allah has been to me,helping me getting back up after my whole world collapsed upon the mentioning of stage 4 kidney cancer mets to lungs and bones diagnosis. as i mentioned before this, everything..every strength..every courage and determination to live my life to the fullest..it comes from Allah. His plan is indeed amazing. i just want all of you to know that acceptance(redha) does not mean that we have to be passive and just play the waiting game.acceptance means we have come to term with the fate destined and try our hardest to make the best out of it. for me, yes i have cancer. i have to take medication that gives me diarrhoea and discoloured hair and brow. i have got spots all over my face due to hormone imbalances caused by the medications. i have to be far from my family to get treatment. i might have to work here for the rest of my life because of the treatment. i can go on and list down every struggles i am facing but i choose not to.why?because i can still live.i can still go to class. i can still work iA after graduation. i do not have to go to hospital so often that i need to miss my class. the fact that i am still living is a huge blessing that even just thinking about it would wipe out all the negative side of the story. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah..but the biggest thing would be i am loved by my family and friends. i appreciate their existence. i am trying to get closer to them. i am more aware of Allah..of His help..of His love..

i shed some tears during the interview and to see that kak meera was tearing as well made me feel so blessed.She's totally unrelated to me 2 years ago.to see that my pain matters to her made me cry even more.kak meera is one of the most beautiful person inside out i have ever encountered. And yet she remains so humble.i'm amazed and impressed. I look up to her.i might not know all her struggles but i know that i want her to be happy..i'll always pray for her and her family too.may Allah reward them hugely..the love i have received from everyone since the day i was diagnosed, i dont know if i deserve it.i can only pray that Allah will reward you abundantly. i pray that Allah will protect you and grant you paradise.

i shared about two important things we could do when we are tested.Dua and tahajjud.the biggest weapons in surviving a test.trust me. when you do these two, you will find it easier to deal with anything. Dua is never for Allah.it is made for us.when we make dua we acknowledge the fact that we are nothing without Allah. when we make dua we slowly will realise that only Allah can change the situation. through these two you will discover the real purpose of life and you will iA be able to accept anything being thrown at you.

there are so much in this life that i should be thankful for.so i decided to not spend my precious time wailing about my diagnosis. i give myself chances every now and then to feel sad and cry but most of the time i'll just remind myself of all the blessings i have. i know now that it does not matter how much time you have left,what matters most is how you spend them. o Allah please guide me.let me meet you in the best state of iman i could possibly be. give your blessings to all these kind people in my life.they deserve it :)

 i dont know when the interview will be aired but hopefully it will be beneficial :)

InsyaAllah to more posts or opportunities to share about the love i got from Allah.the help.the blessings.everything. when we are tested, use it as a stepping stone to get closer to God. being tested, we are in the best position to make dua.Allah is listening. we have to know that Allah gives us problem not for us to solve it but for us to turn to Him and just ask for help.He's ready with the answer even before He gives us question. All we have to do is just ask.is it that difficult??

Wallahualam
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8 comments:

gabriel said...

Assalamu'alaikum.. hi love..

"Qul inna salati wa nusuki wa mahyaya wa mamati lillahi rabbil aalamin."

Q:6:162

Thanks for the reminder. Jazakillah khayr. ;)

nik idzni dalila said...

Jzkk for readingg :)

zaini mt said...

assalamualaikum dear,
we never know each other...not even know our names...never know "rupa masing2"...never know our background...never know our respective families....never know what-so-ever related to "our each other" ...until the first sight at the hotel lobby in London. Immediately, instinctively, at the very first glimpse of sight i knew it was you, Idzni, my newly met daughter! ... (well, i don't care if you don't want to accept it...!)

instinctively, we talked, we walked, you bought me the Oyster ticket at Paddington Station, you became my tour guide, we chatted, you brought me for Zohor, we took our lunch (i can't remember the menu - except it was rice, lamb & chicken), you showed me your hospital...any many-many more things lahhhh... All happen just within a few hours!

we even took "sellfie - (i don't know the spelling & the correct terminology..hahaha!)" without any thought of jealousy of anybody (hahaha, again!).

it was really great...! beyond words of explanation i could ever make.... i just wanna to thank you, i just want to express my appreciation, i just want to endorse that YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER... (in a special manner)...

you inspired me...! you reminded me...that Allah is most great, Allah is the greatest. "Allah will not test beyond the handling ability of His servant". You have proved that...! You are proving it now...! You will prove it "sampai bila-bila"...! i know that you have passed & will pass His test...!

i did ask you briefly about your study...about you specialist field/area of medical study...about your future planning... and you explained it very clearly! ...i asked about your boyfriend & you just sweetly smiled and said that "you don't have any, you don't think of any because "lagi pun idzni tak sihat"... & i STOPPED ABRUPTLY there...! because i already knew it & i knew that will be your answer...!

just remember this, idzni; be strong, keep strong...because you have the strength granted by Allah...! He is behind you...! He is the most provider...! The most important is; what we do today to face the next day...! you & i, we, nobody knows His planning.... we have to plan, but His planning is surely greater than ours!

i remember a quote by a 'sahabat rasulullah' that he answered to a question..."sesungguhnya aku berdoa agar Allah mengalihkah aku dari satu qada' yang tidak baik kepada qada' yang lebih baik..." (it sounds something like that lah - i am not an ustaz, anyway...!) ....so, don't stop what you are now doing...! do it...! keep doing it...! only Him knows our future...!

just to share my humble experience ; ...it took me 4 years from the moment i start dreaming of doing my MBA before i fill up the enrollment form (at my age of 38)...! ...then, it took me 12 long years of thinking, dreaming, falling down, standing up again, crawling..walking (but not crying, hahaha...!) before a got my PhD at the age of 52...! ( don't lough at me, please...!...count how many years is that? ) and i wish to sincerely (but a bit shamefully) share with you, idzni (the precious girl...) my sincere thought of; "aim high & you will get just below it"...! ...& "the problem of solving problem is not finding the solution, but knowing and understanding the problem itself"....hahaha (again), i am not worry if you get "pening" because you are a Dr Idzni...! Cheers...! Be Happy...! Tawakal...! I wish my BP to be check by you, one day (in London), Dr Idzni.

Thanks, wassalam.

nik idzni dalila said...

waalaikumussalam uncle.

thank youuu sooo much for your kind words.the moment Kak Meera told me that u said i'm just like your daughter,i felt blessed.i felt so happy and i will always be. i am always thankful that i was given the chance to know you, kak meera and aunty (whom i have not met but always text me to make sure that everything is allright) thank you uncle. thank you for sharing your story and indeed it's inspiring.i love your courage and determination to get what you have been dreaming for and you did it uncle.i am so proud and happy at the same time. when u told me 'idzni da macam my daughter' the moment we had to say goodbye the other day, i could feel that you genuinely meant it.alhamdulillah.sometimes i feel like i do not deserve all this kindness but i'm gonna accept it anyway :) May Allah bless you and your family. May Allah protect all of us.insyaAllah panjang umur jumpa lagi uncle..and iA i'll be honored to check ur BP once i get the DR title..congratulations again for ur PHD uncle..take care and thanks again :)
doakan kesihatan idzni :)

saya said...

Idzni my dearest,

your post always burst me into tears. such an amazing, inspiring, tough and sweet you are! my always BWP Biro Puteri head ;)

Allah is Great and will not test us more than we could bear. Alhamdulillah and thanks for always remind me that. i guessed million out there will inspire from yr life. (cant wait to watch Safiyya. mesti idzni comeyyyy sgt! hehe)

will always pray for yr health and the best fr yr life. i missed you and really want to meet you here in Malaysia one fine day iAllah, with sek2 kts obviously. deh deh.

love you till jannah
-ipah, Gombak

nik idzni dalila said...

Ipahhh,

Thank youu so much for reading. The purpose of my posts are mostly to remind myself about how lucky i am.yes i'd say that i have accepted this as my fate but i need a constant reminder to keep me going.i'm glad that it benefits other people as well. IA nnt ore blk march ni let's meet up.we need to..lotsa catch up needs to be done..thanks ipah again for those kind words.may Allah protect and bless us all.thanks for the prayer..xmampu nak balas kebaikan semua org..ore bleh doakan je semoga yg baik2 utk semua org :)

zacky786 said...

May Allah bless u always.. Aminn

nik idzni dalila said...

Thanks..may Allah bless you too.