i just got back from my 7 days trip to Germany, Czech and Budapest. It was an amazing experience and alhamdulillah everything went smoothly. i reflected so much during the trip about how lucky i am. being able to still do things i enjoy despite the diagnosis i have. alhamdulillah.
so a week before the trip, tv 9 crews came to London to shoot for Hijabstailista and Safiyya. I knew them in 2012 when i was volunteering for mercy mission organizing twins of faith.we keep in touch from there and last march they were here for Hijabstailista. It was really amazing how Allah put this people in my life. we were a complete stranger 2 years ago and now i would have to say that they are my family. i love them and i will always pray for the best to happen to them. i spent one whole week with them discovering London. I had the chance to really bond with Kak Hajar and Kak Meera. my two lovely angels. they are more than just friend.they are like sisters to me. when i look into their eyes, i can see they genuinely care about me.i care about them tooo. i will always keep you guys in my prayers.well that's the only thing i can offer for the kindness i could never be able to repay.
so i was interviewed for safiyya tv under the inspiration slot. battling with cancer while struggling to get a medical degree. i know and i am completely aware that what i have been through probably not as big as others but if sharing this experience can benefit even just one person,i am more than happy..alhamdulillah. what i want to achieve is just to reveal how merciful Allah has been to me,helping me getting back up after my whole world collapsed upon the mentioning of stage 4 kidney cancer mets to lungs and bones diagnosis. as i mentioned before this, everything..every strength..every courage and determination to live my life to the fullest..it comes from Allah. His plan is indeed amazing. i just want all of you to know that acceptance(redha) does not mean that we have to be passive and just play the waiting game.acceptance means we have come to term with the fate destined and try our hardest to make the best out of it. for me, yes i have cancer. i have to take medication that gives me diarrhoea and discoloured hair and brow. i have got spots all over my face due to hormone imbalances caused by the medications. i have to be far from my family to get treatment. i might have to work here for the rest of my life because of the treatment. i can go on and list down every struggles i am facing but i choose not to.why?because i can still live.i can still go to class. i can still work iA after graduation. i do not have to go to hospital so often that i need to miss my class. the fact that i am still living is a huge blessing that even just thinking about it would wipe out all the negative side of the story. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah..but the biggest thing would be i am loved by my family and friends. i appreciate their existence. i am trying to get closer to them. i am more aware of Allah..of His help..of His love..
i shed some tears during the interview and to see that kak meera was tearing as well made me feel so blessed.She's totally unrelated to me 2 years ago.to see that my pain matters to her made me cry even more.kak meera is one of the most beautiful person inside out i have ever encountered. And yet she remains so humble.i'm amazed and impressed. I look up to her.i might not know all her struggles but i know that i want her to be happy..i'll always pray for her and her family too.may Allah reward them hugely..the love i have received from everyone since the day i was diagnosed, i dont know if i deserve it.i can only pray that Allah will reward you abundantly. i pray that Allah will protect you and grant you paradise.
i shared about two important things we could do when we are tested.Dua and tahajjud.the biggest weapons in surviving a test.trust me. when you do these two, you will find it easier to deal with anything. Dua is never for Allah.it is made for us.when we make dua we acknowledge the fact that we are nothing without Allah. when we make dua we slowly will realise that only Allah can change the situation. through these two you will discover the real purpose of life and you will iA be able to accept anything being thrown at you.
there are so much in this life that i should be thankful for.so i decided to not spend my precious time wailing about my diagnosis. i give myself chances every now and then to feel sad and cry but most of the time i'll just remind myself of all the blessings i have. i know now that it does not matter how much time you have left,what matters most is how you spend them. o Allah please guide me.let me meet you in the best state of iman i could possibly be. give your blessings to all these kind people in my life.they deserve it :)
i dont know when the interview will be aired but hopefully it will be beneficial :)
InsyaAllah to more posts or opportunities to share about the love i got from Allah.the help.the blessings.everything. when we are tested, use it as a stepping stone to get closer to God. being tested, we are in the best position to make dua.Allah is listening. we have to know that Allah gives us problem not for us to solve it but for us to turn to Him and just ask for help.He's ready with the answer even before He gives us question. All we have to do is just ask.is it that difficult??