Friday, December 12, 2014


Have u heard that people say friends are siblings God forget to give us? Well obviously God is not forgetful but the phrase is just an exaggeration trying to manifest how friends are the next closest to your family in your life. I have been blessed with so many amazing friends and i cant thank Allah enough for this.Alhamdulillah.. it's not until you go through rough patches in life that u start realizing who your true friends are. Indeed this sentence is true. In my case, being away from my family these friends are all i have here. They take a great care of me. I pray that Allah will reward each and everyone of them abundantly. Sometimes I dont get it. Why are people so nice.we are not even related. And i seriously can understand if people do not want to associate themselves with my mess.but these people with hearts of gold stay with me.they hold my hand..wipe my tears..they give me so much strength.alhamdulillah for them. I was admitted once due to spike in temperature. My friends came running to me.some of them keep texting me to make sure i am allright. Not to mention those who keep on praying for me. O Allah..i love them..i hope you will grant them paradise for all the kindness they offer to this stranger.
I know most of my close friend felt the pain more or less the same way as i did when they learned about my diagnosis. When i was telling sister yasmin about my situation and could not held my tears, one of my close friend cried with me. She said she never seen me that vulnerable because i'm always bubbly and cheerful and it hurts to see those tears. I was talking to my housemate yesterday and she mentioned how she broke down 1 and a half year ago after knowing about my PET scan showing that i have bones and lungs mets. This kind of love from Allah through these amazing people is sooooo beautiful. I am so grateful that i could experience this. In this life yes we plan and Allah plans and indeed Allah is the best planner. Alhamdulillah's not easy but if you have faith in Him,your heart will be at ease.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

miles awayy but always in the dua!


Every single time i think about future i cant help but to feel sorry for my parents.i want to serve them. I want to be with them. I want to make them happy but it's hard doing that when you are thousands miles away.

When ustadha yasmin mogahed was in london few weeks back. I got the golden chance to talk to her personally about my situation. I cant thank Allah enough for this. I remember how i was so frustrated back in 2013 when she came to Malaysia and i could not join her due to treatment obligations. I have always wanted to meet her. As i said to my friend, Allah gives me inspiration through her.She's one of my role model.who knows a year and a half later i found myself having dinner with her.alhamdulillah. Allah is the best planner.

So i was telling her i dont know how i should deal with this. I am so grateful to be blessed with this opportunity to be treated here but obviously at times like this you would want to be with your family the most.what she said made my day. She said maybe Allah puts u in this,takes away your family just so that you could solely depend on Him.Him alone. And depending on Him is the most beautiful act of dependency. You should take this opportunity to purify your elevate your status in His eyes. You are in the best position to make dua.Allah will never leave you alone.

When it gets difficult..cry to him.and one thing please if you could,pray tahajjud every single night. I was holding my tears back but it fell anyway. I have met so many amazing people along my journey.  The way i see it now, yes i am physically separated with my family but they would always be in my dua. They out of so many people were cherry picked by God to be in this mess with me. They are my everything. So i asked Allah to grant them and everyone that has helped me in any way the highest place in jannah.this life is short.if this short separation in this world is a stepping stone to a wonderful beginning in the hereafter,this should be cherished right? Alhamdulillah. No matter how hard life is,bear in mind that Allah is most knowing. He knows every little hurt you feel, every single tear you cried. Have faith in Him!