Tuesday, August 31, 2010

lalala~

after 2 n a half months i finally get to see my besties..izziara mohd yusoff.how i wish we're in college again.when i have problems,i wud head to L44,my second chalet.she wud be there :)
i remembered last time,after m1 paper,she slept in my room to keep me company after seeing me with my sad face watching the game plan..hahaha..wrong expression for such a funny movie..she has her own ways of looking at things and she stick to her stand firmly.that's what i adore the most not to mention her heartless expression :)
tomorrow is going to be another good day.i'm gonna spend it with my hottest gf ever.nik madihah mohd al faisal.maddy stood by me every time i need someone to listen to my problems. she's the best!

i dont know if it's a coincidence or not but if it is,it's a BIG one.these few days i was brought to the places that i used to go with this one person.i think God is trying to test my strength,really or maybe He is helping me to actually let go of the past.one after another,n of course it triggers back all those moments but i think i'm a bit stronger now.no one should know what i have in mind but seriously i'm happier.these things really do open my eyes.it takes a great courage to actually step out from the comfort zone for the fact that i'm afraid of the uncertainty that lies ahead..

and and and my theory is being proven again.YES! i just need another two week to actually prove that my hypothesis should be accepted.like like like:)))
rase mcm main worewolf dan sy adalah cupidnya..oh bahagia melihat mereka..jika misi penculikan ini berjaya,sy ishtiharkan diri ini sebagai perompak terbaik negara sempena merdeka ini :))


there are a lot of things that make me happy these few days and i didnt expect it to.i mean knowing my own self for about 19 years,i guess this is the weird-est phase in my life.blessing in disguise i bet.anyhow just like my nicest petsib said,a smile can brighten up the gloomiest day :)
a smile yg sekechik kechik itu pun mampu inikan pula yg sebesar alam...

10 malam terakhir ramadhan-these are the nights that most of us are waiting for..use it wisely and u'll never regret it :)
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more updates

i was done submitting my visa after being 'quarantined' in the visa centre for almost 10hours.what a long long day especially when i had nothing to do while waiting.

i was so frustrated with celcom yesterday coz i can text everyone except piang..piang cudnt receive my text msg and he needed to call me for updates.he really knw how to make me smile.i miss pathway moments disaat akak guard dtg n jerit NO ID!!!
hahaha..

i went to buy a new laptop,yeay..macbook pro seemed attractive enough to force me to go to the nearest atm :)

went to buka puasa at sunway pyramid.brought back all the memories but was dealing with it fairly well :)

n to sum1 that helps me so much about this 'fly' stuff,what to buy,where to go..thank you.

i'm so excited but scared at the same time.i'll be going to somewhere new,a place where i have no one there and i have to start making friends. but i promise,the old one would never be left behind.i have a lot of great friends. will definitely miss you guys but that is exactly how life spells itself.we met and at one point we'll be apart but remember we had good times together,so look foward for the next meeting k guys..

life is too short and time does fly.2 years in ky went in a split of a second.now is the new beginning of a new chapter in my life.gotta live it to the fullest.

nak pack ape nk bw ni pun xtau..haih..bleh x if g bw diri je n fulus of course..mls laaa nk pack,bukan x excited tp malas je..hahaha
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Monday, August 30, 2010

welcome back :)

i was gone n now i'm back.with a new spirit.it took me about 48 hours to actually realise that yes things should be this way long time ago but i didnt regret postponing it.it was a great experience to actually learn from the hard way coz when things get easier,u would feel like u're being blessed and took care of :)

maybe this is the best and it starts to show.i'm glad that somehow my decision makes other people happy.it wasnt easy at first but it gets better each day.mcm mula2 blaja jalan laaah...kita start dgn merangkak,then bangun slow2 n then bertatih n skg da bleh berlari.

when i was crawling,i looked up hoping that there wud be hands that'll help to pick me up but then i realised that i needed to trust myself.of course i needed support from my fellow friends:)
then i tried to get up slowly and stood by myself..it took time and now i'm trying to train myself to run as far as i could so that no one can beat n chase me.

well,i'm proud of myself and i dont care what others might say.as long as i have my friends with me,it's more than enough.they are like angels being sent to ease everything that seems impossible to deal with at first.

i dont wanna live in my illusions that would build the wall around me and stop me from seeing things the way i should.i've promised that it's gonna be my last tear and it does.getting over thing is not easy especially when you're really sincere but there are times in life that you just coudnt choose things to happen your way.but you can choose to mourn over or just smile n keep going.life is a journey and i'm 19.too young to really take this as the end of everything.

credit should be given to all my friends.without you guys i'm nothing..now that i can smile,sing and dance like i used to,i'm glad.and i really hope that this is the best for all..
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Friday, August 27, 2010

2nd thought

to come to think of the fact that i've got most of the goals i wanna achieve this year except for that one,i shoudnt have been so disappointed isnt it?i should be grateful.

let's forgive n forget...org ckp maaf ni bkn utk org lain tp utk kite sendiri..whats the point of being mad about something you coudnt change...lebih baik maafkan n lupakan..lgpun i dont like to blame others for what happened to me..i shud b responsible for things i've choosen before this that lead to where i am now..mungkin ade kekurangan dimana2,mungkin khilaf sy juga so tidak mengapalah...biar yg berlalu menjadi kenangan..cewaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...


skg kita mulakan hidup baru....nk settlekan bnda mara cpt2..dpt duit...shopping n flyyyyyyyyyy...:)
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Thursday, August 26, 2010

last visit

this entry is specially posted for

ALMAZ SHIKIN ATI and ASHEE.it's not that long since we know each other.it was the end of 4th sem i guess but you guys are so special to me.Thanks for being one of the stars that shine up my life.idzni da anggap korang macam sibling sendiri and skg time korang kt kelas,idzni tulis ni untuk korang.i really appreaciate the way you guys treat me.and by all means idzni doakan korang sume dapat fly ke uk.

and to Almaz,thank you so much for being with me.after all that has happened,idzni harap we'll stay the way we are.i dont know how to put in in words but seriously,u're being so nice to me.thank you thank you!

it is sad to knw that this might be my last time seeing korg sume...tp tp promise me kalau ade mase hantar idzni kt airport ok!

n most importantly tggu idzni balik lagi 9bulan(xg lagi da pike nak balik daa..)almaz-tggu idzni 9 bln je bkn 11 :p

i love you guys so much.take a good care of yourself and i guess see you guys in a year time.will be missing you all soooooooo badly..
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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

the longest 24 hours ever!!!

hahaha...serve me right!i didnt even know why i did that but seriously it taught me something.it's hard to do thing you dont wanna do.

there are a lot of things need to be settled.one after another.
24th-mara predeparture
25th-petfamily gathering and last visit to ky b4 fly
26th-lappy haunting
27th-nak berbuka di upm bersama kakak(plan sorg2,xgtaw dia lg..)

then i need to book an appointment to do my visa..thank God queen mary is quite fast.i've got all the cas number and the offer letter..so,less things to be worried about.

i'm pretty excited about this whole thing but i'm quite scared.
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Monday, August 16, 2010

xtau nk letak tajuk ape

what lies behind this blessing..
BCU and an ocean of tears!
what's BCU you may ask.My trial's result.
B-Biology
C-Chemistry
U-Mathematics *mybe bcoz they dont have M for grades!

it was a month away from the real exams and i cud never tell how miserable life was at the moment.Everything seemed so wrong and i cudnt stood still even for a minute without thinking of what would happen if my real result appeared to be that way. I was not strong enough to stop the tears from falling but i faked a smile every time i met my friend for i know they had their problems too,so i didnt want to bug them with mine. i did burst into tears in font of suman,azri,farid and kun in the RC,not being able to control my emotions. I called my mom and though she tried her best to hide the fact that she was disappointed,i could clearly heard that in her voice.
i didnt know what to do but i knew that i didnt want to waste my 2 years of doing A levels and ended up being in a place that i could go with my spm results. With a little faith left in me,i woke up from the nightmare and started to plan everything. i accepted the fact that 'YES,I DO NOT STUDY WELL FOR MY TRIALS! but i'm not going to let the same thing happens in the real exam!'

throughout the month,i was attacked with thousand of problems,insomnia and stuff.

looking back at those time really makes me feel grateful.maybe if i didnt get BCU for my trials,i would feel complacent and do not really study..so it's true when people say everything happens for reason.

a junior asked for my chem notes the other day and i was like omg!i need to tell her a white lie.so i went on saying "sorry,i da bagi my junior all the notes"..
how could i give my note to others when all was written this way:

what is green energy?
green energy is the energy being obtained.....*copy suman


how does NMR function?
*google*

City Scan?
*nnti suruh hanizs terangkan

hahaha...i never knew i was THAT lazy..OMG!:S

and i still remember the night i went to kacau cik ALMAZ RUSLAN yg tgh study m1 n ktorg borak2 pdhal esoknya ade exam bio!

and the night before M1 exam when i slept at 4.30(not studying) after taking 2 panadol n woke up at 6.30 to get ready for the exam!crazy right.

and the day i fell sick just before bio paper 4 and i got a special medicine for my sorethroat!

hidup ni sbnrnya mmg mcm tu..ade sng ade ssh..kalau nk bersedih je spnjg mase,sampai bile..betul x...so enjoy laaa selagi mampu..

*sy sgt2 berharap yg sy xkn jd medical student yang nerd..nk jd normal pls pls :)
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Saturday, August 14, 2010

worth it or not,only you cud tell

well..
i think i made my choice though we do not technically talk about it.Let march 2011 tells us what's up next.

in the mean time,i'll try my best..
hope you too will do the same thing..
distance will be greater in a month time,so get ready for the battle!!



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Thursday, August 12, 2010

O Allah

alhamdulillah..i'm glad n happy but the concern about my friends who do not make it outweighs the joy.i cant even smile..it's not that i'm not grateful,of course i am..thank God for your blessings..is it too much if i want to ask you for one more thing?give strength to those who need it..guide them to a way out.let no misery surrounds them.

guys.please please be strong!easier said than done i know.i'll always pray for you guys..and to all my juniors,you guys still have another chance..grab it..dont mourn over too long..get going..will pray for you.i can feel ur pain but nothing much that i can do...
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Friday, August 6, 2010

woodland

to the flower:
i cant stand having this feeling inside me.the need to let it out but i dont know how.u must hate me so much dont you?if i were you maybe i'll feel the same way.not even once did i ever think about hurting you directly or not.i know exactly how you feel but what can i do?left with no choice.maybe i do have.but more people will get hurt in the end.i'm sorry i might appear to be the most selfish person you've ever met.sorry wouldnt make it up to all the pain you've been through.but still i wanna say it out loud I'M SORRY:(.

i tried once not to be selfish but my decision hurt the person i care so much about so i coudnt do the same thing unless i'm sure that the person can be happy and better off with the decision.

but i think i can do something to atleast make things better.i'll try and we'll see how it goes.i remembered my fav line in eclipse 'if we're not natural enemy,i might like you'. but seriously i do like you.i like the way you put a smile on your face when everything around you is such a disaster.i adore that coz i'm the one who hardly hide my own feeling..

to the plant:

friendship is never wrong in my eyes you see.it's just the way you manifest it that matters.if you can stay the way you're now,you can have both.i'm sorry if i'm the one who hold you back and make you feel uncomfortable but i didnt mean it that way.there are a lot of things that i said and you take it from the wrong view and i dont know how to explain to make you understand what i really meant.

to me:
i dont wish to look like an angel here trying to understand everyone's situation.All i want is just a little peace in me.you guys have a huge obligation that requires a good communication between the two of you.just do whatever it takes to make it work.i'll try to be as understanding as possible.

one's fear of not winning the ******** is more than that of losing ** is not strong enough to make me think about myself all alone.

i had enough of being blamed for something as big as the future nor that i want to be blamed for destroying quarter dreams of all the people there!

:) peace no war!
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