Friday, July 30, 2010

waiting-this might be a pathetic entry

a simple verb but does have a very big impact you see.All of us are waiting for the perfect one to come,falls on his knees and tells us how much he needs and how much we mean to him.some might say,oh i dont need men in my life but deep down in their tiny little hearts,dreams of meeting their mr right do exist.

waiting can be so tiring and life is never cruel.it does give you some break.when you thought u've met the right one,you find yourself not waiting anymore.then we make a vow to be loyal and try our best.but we forget things easily.being together is not only about happiness for the joy and pain of a relationship is an inseparable twin.we need to prepare ourselves to meet the rain n shine,going through thick or thin.

i wonder,what if he's your prince charming but u're not his Cinderella or vice versa? maybe it's just an illusion.maybe you THINK he's the one but how can you ever be sure about that right.it can be a sign for you to start waiting again.yes it takes some people to meet the wrong person before he can really appreciate the right one.i feel grateful if i'm the right one but i also do feel honoured if i can be the wrong person for the fact that i know at least i help you to do the right things after this.

girls do not wait forever.we cant help it.

i understand if you dont get it but one day if you're in my shoes,you'll spell life the way i'm doing.
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Sunday, July 25, 2010

heyyy you!

beautiful girls all over the world i could be chasing but my time would be wasted
they got nothin' on you baby nothin' on you baby they might say hi and i might say hey
but you shouldn't worry about what they say
cause they got nothin' on you baby nothin' on you baby...

hello world..
nothing last forever isnt it..there it goes,the end of another story.new chapter has begun n looking back is only an option when i got to learn from my mistakes.the colours of my life now are white and purple.. white for the new beginning and purple for the happiness in it.

i'll be away for 9 days..BTN n MOC..
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Saturday, July 24, 2010

wonderful days:)

4 days in jerantut and 2 days in raub were awesome!!!!!i had so much fun especially the last two days that were spent with my bff,farah.we didnt do much of anything but it felt good when you can have a long chat about anything, updating eachother about things we've missed since we last met.

i finally got to settle every single thing that my uni wanted,what a relief!but i was a bit confused when i got an email from queen mary saying that the result for A level was out already. :S
no it wasnt.and i have 3 weeks to get ready for that,mentally and physically.

and my btn is on monday..grrrrrrrr...i dun feel like going but what to do?hmmmmmmm...n then moc n then off to kelantan.

....................................................................................


oh well,the weed is feeling so tired..is it true that sometimes some things are best left unsaid?
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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

official

i officially declare that i really miss my batch n my juniors and ky sooooooooooooooo much.sitting at home,looking at the list of things need to be done,somehow a sad feeling creeps in..

izzie,hairul,felix,piang,farhah,kammy,maddy,abby,suman,farid,azri,najib,wani,hanizs,almaz,shikin,ati,eju,razin,zamri,amin,saiful,vicky..and the list goes on...

hopefully distance wont tear us apart..people say absence makes the heart grows fonder right..hope to see you guys soon.n in the mean time,do take care!

A song that makes me miss you guys even more!

Graduation

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinkin' times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And when we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone with me
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

Chorus:
As we go on we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change come whatever
We will still be Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

Repeat Chorus:

La, la, la, la…
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la…
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly


MISSING YOU GUYS SO BADLY!
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Saturday, July 17, 2010

if

if you want the rainbow,
you've got to put up with the rain,
if you want the roses,
you've got to put up with the thorns.

for something that we gain,we need to sacrifice something else.if perfection is the thing being looked for,it's nowhere to be found here.i'm not a princess and these aint fairy tales.i like what izzie once said 'I am not here to live up to the world's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine'.it doesnt hurt me and i'm not angry coz everyone has their own ways of seeing things.we're different but if we appreciate the differences we'll be just fine:)

IMYSM;)
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back up plan

you must have at least a back up plan!..says a friend.it's like preparing yourself so that you know what to do when the original plan is not working.
i'm a cross-the-bridge-when-i-come-to-it type of person.not to mention,stubborn too.

i remembered when everyone in my high school was considering which course to take after spm and what i did was yawning and went off to bed.when people asked,i would say it depends on my result.why bothering about that when you didnt even know whether you're academically capable of applying to that course or not.the other side of the argument would be,you've got to choose what you want then you'll know what to do and study hard to achieve the grades needed.i followed my way and bam!,when the result is announced,i was at my wit's end on choosing the course.i didnt have any ambition at that moment,nothing attracted me.

my father had been telling me every single day(exaggeration)since i was in form 4 that he really wanted me to be a doctor and i said NO!i did not just say no,i gave him thousand of excuses but i ended up filling every form with this course(there're only 2 forms..UPU n MARA)
most of my friends applied for few scholarships and i just applied for one.why didnt i think about back up plan?only God knows.

enrolling in kyuem really changed me.i was never a person that would bother about the future as much as i did in kyuem.everything must have a back up plan..and i actually learned to plan my future here.my first back up plan was when i took my AS chemistry in june..only 16 of us took it and i was afraid as everyone was talking about how hard chemistry was.i didnt want to resit coz i had to pay for that but i couldnt predict the future.i didnt want my parents to pay for that so i saved my allowance just in case but alhamdulillah,i didnt need to use it.

then i started preparing for my medical interviews,doing research on lotsa topics everyday.i couldnt beleive it was me!i planned up to 5 years after graduation.i filled every form that was given to me.ucas,numed,iumc...coz i was afraid to not getting any offer.

now that i've finished my a level,already got my placement in university,i just need 3A's to complete everything.God helps me.i'm scared.
Mom said,dont worry.everything will be fine.if things do not turn out your way,just remember God knows best and he's planning for something that suits you.accept what has been fated for you wholeheartedly.

the need of having a back up plan depends on individual.

.............................................................................................


i dont like uncivilized smokers.how could you smoke in a lift?come on..smoking in enclosed public area is not allowed!if you want to kill yourself,go ahead but please do not bring others with you.passive smokers stand a higher chance to get affected by those pollutants.have a heart,please. and one more thing,i really dont understand men who walk into the ladies coach without feeling awkward.that's weird.. out of topic i know tp geram..haha :)
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Friday, July 16, 2010

4 hours of happiness

this will never be enough to actually compensate for the time we will be apart but then at least it makes both of us happy.thank you for making my day.

today i discovered something.i'm not good at remembering direction. no wonder i keep on asking my driving teacher which way to go though i've been driving in the same road over and over again every day!i shall start activating my brain back otherwise i'm not getting any license before i'm off to wherever i'll go after this..

i'm on the cloud 9 today..haha.this sunday i'm off to pahang.my sister's house...i'm missing my two nieces.and i'm looking foward for cooking lessons..yeay!cant wait.

then i'll be back in KL or more precisely selangor for my btn..5days of torture with classes or lectures about politics in Malaysia..and right after that i'm going to attend MOC for 4 days..then i'll go back to kelantan on the 3rd of August 2010 with a huge hope and desire to complete my driving license and get a P.

Quite a tight schedule i have..
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bestfriends

i have a lot of friends that i can count on you see...a lot..they always offer me a shoulder to cry on but i cudnt write about them all.this post is specially created to my best best friends.the one that i know will always be there no matter what happens.they've seen my true colours,my piles of tears and my tonnes of happiness.we share and tell each other about almost anything.i can never thank them enough for being with me all the time through rain or shine and seriously guys,you are my strength.your words heal my wound and let the scars fade away.i do hope that we'll be friend forever love!

Nur Liyana Yusoff *Yana*



i met her when i was in form 4.we're in the same class back then.i love her!she's like a girl and a woman at the same time..she's happy go lucky and always smile.whenever she has any problem,she's so calm.this relationship had once be tested by a very huge obstacle but up till now we're still best friend,so i guess we survive that horrible phase yana!


Farah Amalina Azianti *farah*



Farah is also a happy go lucky girl.she always smile.i remembered spending about 30 days of Ramadhan with this girl..she ate a lot but never put on weight.she's very honest,like when i was a little bit chubby after spm..she came to sleepover at my house and the first thing she said when we met was nik,chubbynya...gano bleh naik berat gini ni?hahaha...she's a very very good person.i miss you!really do...


Nurul Nakiah Abdullah *nako*



Nako!i met her when i need to change my class to her class because of this one particular teacher that happened to not liking me and spread the words to the headmaster.oh God!that's the most terrible situation i've ever come across with.Thank God i have you with me.i remembered bicthing about the teacher(sorry miss N***,but seriously i do appreciate what you taught me!)...she's very friendly.she always come to my house n i do the same thing.we can talk about anything.love,boys,girls,shopping..u name it.darl,i misss you!!!!!!!

Khairul Anam *Anam*



Anam is someone special in my life.he's very childish but i like the way he comes to me and tell me his problems.we're classmate when i was in form 4.he was there for me when i had a very BIG problem in PC.he's nice but quite a playboy type.he changes his girlfriend every 4 or 5 months.he's very brave.he talks a lot!

Izziara Yusoff *izzie*



we met during a camp held in kelantan.it's like a camp for school leaders coming from mrsm.we're in the same room but i can hardly recall that when we met again in KYUEM.
In Kyuem,during the induction week,i was given the treasurer post for batch anniversary and she happened to be my assistant. from that moment,we're like an inseparable twin.i like the way she deals with things.she's very decisive.she knows what she wants.n she understands me very well.she's like my real sister.love you dear.hope we'll make it to LONDON and we can be together again!
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Thursday, July 15, 2010

trust

something very important but no easy to get.it should be earned.thousand promises wont be enough to let the suspicious thoughts to fade away but only one mistakes can actually destroy the trust that has been achieved.that's exactly how life is.hundred of good deeds can be forgotten by only one wrongdoing.

i trust you,i did and i still do.please do not betray my trust.be honest no matter how hurtful it can be coz the ugly truth is always better than the best-dressed lie!

i have my flaws.that's why i can tolerate others' as well but everything has its limits remember.

i think it's fair if i'm worried about this coming week.once bitten,twice as shy.but will keep that away from my mind.

life is fair.i'm happy..but quite worried looking at the calendar.everything depends on you oh august 12..

it'll be amazing if i can shut down part of my brain stopping them from thinking or remembering things i wish i dont..
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Saturday, July 10, 2010

i have to say goodbye

no matter how hard it is,no matter how deep my feeling towards you,i have to say goodbye.it's not easy but i have no choice.living without you is like i'm losing a part of me.i hope what i'm doing is the best for us.i'm gonna miss you so much but time heals everything,isnt it?goodbye to my laptop,camera and .broadband.:(

and goodbye to my sisters.i'll be all alone..


Most of my friends are turning 20 this year and i cant beleive the fact that everyone is talking about marriage,engagement and etc.the least is to bring the partner to meet the family.OMG!i’m just a year younger but i think the way we look at this thing is waaaay too different.you guys are too advance..maybe because of the number 2 in your age right?feel much older?hehehe

But i’m happy for you guys..i’m expecting for invitations in 5 years time okay:p..this news really makes me feel a lot younger.
To think that a few decades ago,it’s a norm to get married as early as 12 makes me think that the earth does spin and it seems like we’re moving to that era again with much more sophisticated technology..
Korang nnti kalau kawin jgn lupe jemput ;)))
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Friday, July 9, 2010

PDA

public display of affection(PDA) is the demonstration of affection to other person publicly.is it wrong to do so?i'm not talking about kissing or hugging in public but this is more to openly express feelings through fb,twitter,blog and etc.

it depends on you really coz i dont think it's wrong to tell people how you feel but to think from the other side,it might annoy people who's viewing that accidentally or if that appears in their newsfeed(in case of fb!).

there are several reasons why people join this PDA group.
- the need to tell how important that person is
-a way of appreciating that special someone
-reduce the chances of the other person to cheat on you
-to tell other people*back off!she's mine!*
-to strengthen the relationship

i'm not a PDA girl but just for sometime i kinda like being one.PDA does not only include saying i love you or i miss you in public but it can also mean showing great care about someone.i dont mind when people know i care about someone coz somehow it can stop the hi-hi-can-i-know-u-better thingy.

the one who prefer to keep it low of course has great reasons too right.
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Thursday, July 8, 2010

oh no!

germany :(
but it's okay :)
try again next time..

.......................................................................................

looking for too much of what is so called perfection?
ths topic is so interesting.i steal this from my sister's blog.

nothing wrong about demanding and choosing for certain criteria in a person you wish to spend the rest of your life with right?of course everyone has to carefully think and evaluate so that the relationship built can last longer.
some people opt for the richest guy while the other is craving for look..but the most important thing is the inner beauty.well,it's often said even the worst guy in this world dreams to have a good kind-hearted wife.

i love to ask some married couple about their love stories.it teaches me that love comes in various way..sometime you can expect it but most of the time you just cant.
one thing for sure,when it comes,you can never say no.
my mom and my dad do not know each other until it was a week before their marriage.it's not literally an arranged marriage but kinda i think.someone told my father about my mom and he sent people to ask my mom to be his wife and i have no idea how could my mom say yes to a man that she never knew?that's love my dear.that's how God beautifully planned and up till now,they're happy.

but for some people,the need to really know the partner before deciding to tie the knot is one of the most important thing need to be done.this is something we need to respect.of course,how could you live with someone you barely known right?it's possible but it takes a great courage to do it.a great faith n trust too.

but not all the stories are like fairy tales..not all have a happy ending.from arranged marriage to the couple that have been together for a very long time,there will be a risk of breaking up or getting divorce.that's life.you can never know exactly what will happen in the future right.but what people said "as long as you believe and give your best,everything(or most of the things) will come your way" attracts me.

one of my best friends is getting engage to her bf(of course!) this week.omg!
i never knew that it would be tihs early.Nur liyana yusoff,i wish you all the happiness in this world and the hereafter.;)

'marriage is finding someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life'-anonymous
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Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Germany!

wooooot wooooot

since when did i like football this much?hahaha..i think it's the boredom of being at home with nothing much to be done except few daily-common things.
As world cup started,for a beginner like me,i needed to pick a team to support right?
so that's what i did.with nothing in mind,i mean no idea at all about football i choosed germany..and up till now this team never disappointed me.no no,they did once when they met serbia if i'm not mistaken.tripple thumbs up for germany!!!!!!!
Goodluck for tonight..though muller wont be able to play,i hope i can count on you klose :)
i really hope that i can watch the match but i have driving class 2mrw...arghhhhhhhhh...
anyhow,GOODLUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!beat spain like u did to england and argentina pls:)
p/s:to spain's supporter,dont be offended by ths post okay ;)
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reality

someday everything will all make perfect sense.

so for now laugh at the confusion

smile through the tears

and keep reminding yourself

that everything happens for a reason.

assumptions can kill.

or if it isnt,it can tear the soul apart.

i dont wish to keep you if u dont have the will to stay.

remember,it's not only me that have the key.

you too have that.

not only me that can leave.

you can do the same.
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Tuesday, July 6, 2010

2 weeks

within these 2 weeks since i left college,a lot of things happened,really.

God knows how many times i need to go to the post office,clinic,hospital and etc to actually complete my letter of good conduct and health declaration forms..oh.never knw that it's not easy not make my way to chase my dream.

sometimes,i heard a soft voice within whispers telling me not to give up.n finally i managed to complete it all.

while taking back my breath after few days being busy settling all the uni thingy,here it comes my beloved sponsor informing that the date for my BTN is not confirmed yet.i need to wait and keep on waiting..kalau xg btn,xleh fly :(
so,hopefully pn shahida can find the place where she can put our name on the list..currently,all places are full..:(

result is a month away.gotta pray hard ths time..oh God,help me:)

in 3 days time,i'll be alone in ths house..alone means me n my parent..
my sisters are going to their universities.one taking my laptop n camera,the other one takes my broadband.perfect!i'll have nothing to do except watching tv n texting..

dear God,i want the time to fly coz i cant stand being at home doing nothing except putting on weight.but,i'm not ready for result..

but its beyond my control.
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Monday, July 5, 2010

leave right now?

I'm here, just like I said
Though it's breaking every rule I've ever made
My racing heart, is just the same;
Why make it strong to break it once again?
And I'd love to say "I do";
Give everything to you
But I could never now be true

So I say...
I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now

I'm here, so please explain
Why you're opening up a healing wound again
I'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs at least I’m spared the lows
Now I tremble in your arms
What could be the harm?
To feel my spirit calm?

So I say...
I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now

I wouldn't know how to say
How good it feels seeing you today
I see you've got your smile back
Like you say - you're right on track
But you may never know why
Once bitten, twice as shy
If I'm proud, perhaps I should explain
I couldn't bear to loose you again

Yes, I will.
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper...
I think I better leave right now






this song is so beautiful:)
it used to represent how i felt before this.it's better to leave before i fall any deeper.to come to think of the fact that actually at that particular moment,i did fall to the deepest depth,so leaving sooner or later wont change the severity of the wound being created.why do i choose to hold on?coz atleast no matter how hurt the situation is,i knw u're right beside me..
i hope we both will b happy with the decision:)
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Saturday, July 3, 2010

YOU!

i'm touched :)
well,i was never a different person when i'm with you but it just that sometime i dont want my inner thought destroys the time we spent together.when u called or texted me,it does make me feel good..i'm happy with you.it's only when i'm alone that those thgs linger in my mind.it's not something i can control..
i knw it's not easy to deal with me,my emotions and u did well within ths 8 months :)
thank you..i do hope that we can make it thru as well..so let's just try our best k syg..thank you :)
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Friday, July 2, 2010

pluto :)

i didn't mean it that way sayang, don't be disappointed with what i've said. cause you know i always say the wrong thing, but i hope you know i just wanted to make you feel better. i've started to let go of the past, and trust me i won't be haunted again. i'm looking forward to the future. you know how much i'm scared by being so far away from you, but i hope we can make it thru. by all means, i just wanted you to be yourself, if you wanna share anything, share, laugh if you think its funny (jangan *krooh krooh la) and cry if you feel sad. i dont want you to be something you are not when you are with me. oh, and i'm sorry if i can't change this and make things better because i may know how to change it but i didn't realise it, or i even didn't know how to change it. i know i always said sorry to you, and i don't even know that the word sorry still holds a value as i used it too often, but act before this, i didn't used the word so much.so u chnged smthing. haha. anyway. goodnite baby, you always know i miss you, even if i say it or not. remember that always. :)
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oh tell me

mirror mirror hanging on the wall,tell me what the future holds please.

how much longer can it be?

hahaha..am i being greedy?i think so..

oh well,dont u think i deserve that?

mybe i dont but i need that my dear

why?i dont know..

it's like a drug that keeps me alive

dont give me that if u want too see me dying..

owh well..too little too much of exaggeration

off to bed

sweet dreams..
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u're not being fair

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep...standing on the edge of something much too deep...funny how I feel so much but cannot say a word...we are screaming inside, oh, but we can't be heard...so afraid to love you, more afraid to lose...clinging to a past that keeps haunting you.

I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?...

it doesnt mean that i dont like everything that's happening to me..i have to admit,i'm happy..i'm grateful..thanks for that..but that one thing really matters u see..i knw hw u feel..i knw it's not that u want thgs to happen ths way..i knw and i do understand but as much as u dont want the past to haunt you,i dont want ths thg to keep lingering in my mind as well but we both know that it's not easy to set thgs our ways..i'm sorry,i didnt mean to bring up the issue over n over again but it just keeps coming..truly sorry..:(

ps: I don’t know the answer.but i just dont want to lose you and you knw that.n u're not being fair coz only u can change ths n make thgs better and you just dont(i understand why but i just want to cmplain)
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from the other side of the world

sometimes there will be conflicts between what a person demands and what the other can supply.the only way to resolve that is by using tolerance.


what men said n how women interpreted..

men-'i'm being myself.that's exactly what i did with other people as well'
women-'so you mean i'm just like other people to you?'

men-when something is not confirmed yet....
women-NOT CONFIRMED?thank you

how ironic life can be..

oh well, everyone is talking about give n take,tolerate,understanding..
to be realistic,no one can exactly understands a person fully.the closest one is by healing ur own wounds,try to forget,be happy and be grateful for what you have.

life is like a box of chocolates.u never know what u're gonna get..

............................................................................

BTN?in 3 weeks time..i feel so frustrated everytime i think about this..do i really need to attend BTN? :(
REDANG?woooooot woooooot..cant wait..tlg laaa jgn ade hal time tu...haih..need a perfect gateaway:)
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Thursday, July 1, 2010