Friday, April 4, 2014

Nothing but ordinary

Assalamualaikum wbt.

It's been about a year and a half since i was first diagnosed with cancer and from that moment onwards  i received so much love from everyone around me and sometimes from my new friends(i don't like the sound of strangers so i'm gonna address you guys as my new friends) that i haven't even met in person. Seriously it means a lot to me having kind people like all of you taking your time to write to me and encourage me to be strong in dealing with such calamity. I've got a lot of recommendations on what to read or movies to watch to help me stay positive all this while.i cant thank you enough for this comforting act i don't even deserve,for the thoughts and prayers. may Allah bless all of you.

since the diagnosis i keep on getting comments like you are so strong,omg you are amazing,you fight so well,how could you be so positive and etc. to be completely honest i am nothing but ordinary. I broke down.i cried.i was scared.i felt everything!every emotions that you could think of when something this huge happen to you at the age of be able to smile happily and let go of all the worries do not happen in just one night. To accept the fact that i am being chosen out of billions  people in this world to get cancer is not easy i must admit but seriously when i think about it now Allah has made it a lot easier than it could possibly be.

The most important thing is the support system. You need it, Don't try to face it alone just for the sake of not wanting to drag your loved one into this mess. I completely understand that sometimes we don't  want to see people we love get hurt in the  whole process of going through this difficulty but trust me it hurts them more if you exclude them from it. They already feel helpless because they cant help you much so don't make them feel any worse by not letting them participate in at least helping you emotionally. Talk to them about your worries,share with them everything! Let it all out because holding it in would make you depressed. I am going to quote my mom here, she said the biggest and greatest support system is definitely Allah. He is most knowing most merciful and most loving so put Him on top of your list. Rely on him and have faith in Him. If you have Allah you don't need anything else :) . And of course by the mercy of Allah He sends me great people like all of you to make my journey easier. Alhamdulillah for a great mom,dad,family and friends and not to forget new friends too! Prayers are the biggest weapon for the believers, so use it. Talk to your creator, let Him know your worries, cry if it helps you! When you finally find the faith and realize the fact that by relying to the one who is in charge of everything worries wont have any place to settle in your heart or mind. Keep on reminding yourself that whatever happened, is for the best. he wont put you through something you cant handle! It will be a long journey of self discovery and you may realize a lot of things that you probably do not pay attention to before. It is so true that people say you start living when you learn about dying. You start prioritizing because it hits you now that indeed life is too short to do something that is useless. You love more,you tell people you love them because you never know when is you last day walking in this earth. You mind your actions because you don't want to be meeting the Creator with too many sins. You start doing good and be nice to people because you know that they can help you with your hereafter. You at last discover that helping people or the poor do more good to you than them,it helps to detach your heart from something as temporary as wealth or even the joy of world we are living in. I can go on and on talking about the discoveries you might encounter throughout the journey but to make it short all in all it opens your eyes too see things you probably have seen before but in a completely different view.

But being human of course sometimes, we mess up.we make mistakes.but don't ever let it stop you from going back to Allah. Don't fall into the devils's trap to make us think that we sin so much and there's no point of repenting.noo! We all know that Allah's mercy is bigger than His wrath :)

By being contented with what we have will help us to live a happier live. So stop worrying and complaining so that you could start living!

P/s : current update : i am now off medication alhamdulillah because the disease is stable. I'll be monitored from time to time and if it is active again (which hopefully wont happen) they are going to start me on medication again.please pray for me and for that I hope Allah will grant you goodness in this world and the hereafter.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

contagiously contagious :)

assalamualaikum wbt.

guesss whatttttttt?i'm on a cloud nine! i am officially off medication for now.alhamdulillah. i know cancer is unpredictable but i'm gonna be happy for now.i am happy that my disease is stable at the moment.thank you so much to all of you who endlessly pray for me! I hope Allah will grant you goodness you deserve!

people who know my story always come to me and say that i am so strong to be able to still live like a normal person despite the diagnosis. to be honest, it's not even's all thanks to Allah and all the people around me.with their ongoing support and prayer and definitely with the trust i put on my Lord because i know how powerful and merciful He is, i can go through this. He made it much easier than it seemed.i am so happy that despite how many times i messed up or i displeased Him Allah still loves me and gives me time to repent. he also gives me amazing mom who always reminds me of Him.when i called my mom to say that i am off my medication, she said to me please dont stop praying your tahajjud and continue to make a lot of dua.because He is the curer not the medication.

Not to mention,i have a lot of fantastic friends who cheer me up everytime i feel down.

quote i love the most ;
worrying wont get you anywhere but prayers would! so whatever worries you have now,just let it gooo!

i will continue living my life and be contented with what i have. and i do hope to be better each day.

if i can offer you one advice on how to be happy i would say be around positive people!!positivity is contagious! :)

Saturday, March 15, 2014

jelita sara london!

so londoners,these are the shawls and the square scarves from jelitasara which are available in contact me for further details. +447456955932.i am just helping the founder,kak aween to sell this because she was here last february and she brought this along with her.feel free to whtssp and ask me anything ok.. since we're not professional models so apologies for the awkward faces or poses.heeeeee..

The one i am wearing below is sold out

below is double sided(u can choose to wear which side) square can also choose to wear it like you would with normal square scarf like this

or like a shawl

these are the colours available for the square scarves. as i said,it's double sided so i put the pictures of the two sides that you could rock on ;)

this is two layered and light brown.such a nice combination! SOLD OUT

this one is a normal shawls..just have two colours left ; grey and purple

this is a square chiffon scarf.only two colours available ; green and brown

this one is so lovely i fall in love the second i saw it.plain shawl with a simple lace at the end :) the last one i have!

this is half moon shawl with bow!if anyone wants a sweet and cute look maybe this is for youuuu :)

these two are exactly how they look.i cant explain any better!

this is a polka dot chiffon square scarf.

if you guys are interested please letme know.i eould be selling this up early till april only :)

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

MH 370

sometimes Allah pushes us to the very corner so that we wont have any other choices but to turn to Him.

when i listened to captain nuruddin, it feels like being slapped on the face. we always do all sort of things and then turn to Allah when all our means are not's not right!we know that Allah is the greatest and He's the most knowing most merciful and yet we put Him as the last resort in our measure or effort to find the clue about this missing aircraft.

dear fellow muslims,

as a believer we have to put Allah first. effort is needed and one of the most powerful weapon for a believer is definitely prayer. Allah said that He is whom the servants' think He is. so let's put our outmost trust and faith in the almighty God. He's the only one that can bring all of us out of this misery.

a teacher once advised me,if you want your prayer to be accepted by Allah,make sure you repent all your sins for sins can hinder prayers from being maybe we could do the taubah prayer before proceed to the hajaat prayer. n please bear in mind no one is too dirty to approach Allah for his mercy is greater than His wrath.

nouman ali khan once said, the sins we did if we repent could turn to good deeds. so those who feel like she/he has done a lot of sins,maybe this is our call.who knows if we repent Allah turns everything into good deeds and then answer our prayer??

so even lotsa people are saying that the prayer of the pious people would be easily answered, we never knew till we try!who knows Allah misses us so much because we have been so far from him and He's waiting for ours?let's do this together shall we? :)

Monday, February 24, 2014


sometimes we think we know ourselves too well to just know what we want or need but it could be mistaken by our own desires or nafs.

instead of letting ourselves sink in the sea of confusion why dont we seek for Allah's help.much much much much easier isnt it?do your istikharah. ask for guidance. Love of Allah is more than the love of a mother towards her child.alhamdulillah i have an amazing mother who loves me so dearly i cant imagine how great the love of Allah is. Allah wants the best for his servants.very merciful,willing to forgive and keep on telling us to repent.he never gave up on us so why should we?

for the first time in my life i have actually come across someone that makes me feel that i really want to be better,improve my deen and just looking at that person's character sort of inspires me to be a better human being.but i know this is only right if i follow the right i am gonna ignore this feeling.i'll pray to God  and train my heart to believe that what is meant for me wont miss me.i have to have i am gonna focus on improving myself.i cant fall into shytan's trap. i dont know how it's gonna happen if really we're meant to be but isnt it already obvious that Allah is the greatest planner?and the most i'm gonna depend fully on Him. i am leaving my heart with my Lord and let Him sort it out for me.

i hold on to this saying so firmly. if you leave the haram relationship for Allah, He'll make it halal for you.

O Allah guide me.letme be great in character that people would ignore my physical flaws.stay by my side.cure me only when u know i wont go back to my old self.let me feel the sweetness of longing to see you O Allah.

p/s ; if you like a girl because of her character or deen, dont you think she deserves to be approached in a halal dignified way?

Oh Allah I am greedy

o Allah. i am so greedy but i really really want to go to those holy cities again.i miss being there so much. i miss forgetting about the world and just focus on You o Allah.pleasee letme be your guest.

Friday, February 7, 2014

to my future husband

Dear You,

I dont need a grand wedding,
I dont need a diamond ring
I dont need a lot of money,
I dont need a huge mansion by the alley
I dont need good looking face
I dont need look without grace

I dont care about your past
as long as our future lasts
I dont care about tedious struggle
as long as you promise to battle
I dont care about what people say
as long as you dont lead me astray
I dont care about fairy tales
as long as your love prevails

I cant promise it would be easy
but I know I wont be sleazy
I cant promise I wont cry
but I'll try making you a happy guy
I cant promise love without trials
But you wont regret going down the aisles
I cant promise you eternity
but i'll try loving you to infinity

Dear my future husband,if you decide to marry me,that's probably the hardest decision you'll have to make in your life.i carry a huge baggage with me.a stigma, a low self esteem, a soul that in need of constant reassurance. i lived in a fantasy to be the perfect one but i realized i could never be.Maybe that's a subtle reminder from God that He's the only one that can be perfect.Life with me would be a constant battle but i can try to make it worth the struggle.

If anyone wonders what with the sudden entry about future, i dont know. i think i'm just in that the age when everyone around me is settling i said i dont want to live according to how people think i should live.i want to be happy and happiness does not just revolve around marriage or love.i want to do charity,i want to go around the world.i want to please God.i want to be His guest again.i want to go to those holy cities.but then again i cant run away from this forever can i?sometimes i know that i just say thing like i'm fine if i cant find someone while i really hope i do find's like trying to sought solace,trying to make oneself feel better about thing i cant have.i guess i am confused.i will always be.i wont know which way to go,to find happiness independently or to find someone to share my burden with.i know either way would lead to happiness insyaAllah but i cant figure out which weighs more than the other.

Those who like me,they always say they don't mind.but i am not convinced.they'll grow tired of me feeling low about myself,grumbling about not being good enough for them. so dear my future husband,i could be the most difficult person to deal with.just so you know